Making change is often very painful. Children demonstrate this when they have tantrums -they appear frustrated -because they are struggling with communication and they cry -pain. Changing a societal norm is also painful and requires the village to help make the changes and reduce the pain by making it collective and acceptable.

 

The tabaco campaign in Australia ostracised smokers in public places by highlighting how it smells, that it was harmful to bystanders and it kills. Up until the 1980s people smoked at their desks at work and in public places, kids bought cigarettes for their parents and for men smoking was cool, rugged and masculine.

 

An integrated campaign changed how people thought of smoking even men that were very committed to their right to smoke conceded. Smoking kills and toxic masculinity kills too! Smoking advertisements portrayed men as risk takers; self-reliant; not feminine; in control; powerful too and over women; winners; better than other men; professional; had status and ‘sexy violent’.

 

The parallels of toxic masculinity to smoking are very strong on another level -they both kill. Clearly smoking directly affects the body through tar and poisonous chemicals but psychologically smoking was and is a hard habit to break/change.

The impact of toxic masculinity can lead to:

 

• reliance to alcohol or other drugs to cope rather than deal with issues;
• physical illness from substance abuse or over eating;
• lack of exercise due to low personal drive;
• less attractive to women -that are a valuable support;
• cruelty to the women and children needed for support;
• isolation;
• anxiety;
• depression;
• mental illness;
• suicide and
• death from associated neglect.

 

This long list is the result of pain and pain for men is demonstrated through anger. The one emotion that many men seem to accept as masculine. There is a seductive feeling of righteousness associated with anger that offers a powerful temporary boost to self-esteem. However, anger cannot make pain disappear - it only distracts from it.

 

Typically, one of the primary emotions, like fear or sadness, can be found underneath the anger. Fear includes things like anxiety and worry, and sadness comes from the experience of loss, disappointment or discouragement.

 

Its ok for a child to cry when they are frustrated -we understand communication is limited. We as a society have limited men too. We have put in hard rules that limit men’s opportunity to express themselves resulting in frustration that is expressed through anger -a man’s pain.

 

Movember is all about reflecting on male issues and making some changes. Realise that a male sex symbol is funny, kind and comfortable with himself; that toxic masculinity is man-made; that that pain needs to be addressed not suppressed.

 

 

Next week …….Movember  Men love solutions

 

 

Anger is Pain

Disclaimer

The article below is for informational purposes and is not intended to replace professional advice. For health related information please consult a health professional prior to commencing any program including a exercise or dietary program.

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